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| 1 | +--- |
| 2 | +title: News in life + dealing with Render deployment |
| 3 | +date: 2025-06-01 |
| 4 | +tags: [cs, life] |
| 5 | +author: R |
| 6 | +location: Alumni Hall, New York, NY |
| 7 | +--- |
| 8 | + |
| 9 | +## Datathon and Technicals |
| 10 | + |
| 11 | +After I got the news from a friend, I felt it's a unbelievable thing just to hear. It really did surprised me that we have stood out of all the teams participated, when I joined the team, I hope we could gain a more experienced member, but people I asked all have other stuff to do, so we head straight on that Friday. On the technical aspect, there are a lot more features I wanted to implement, and I didn't successfully deploy it on render at that moment. By then, the static page went well, but as I'm running out of time I just wrote the stuff to let people deploy it locally so I could head over to the jazz club on time. |
| 12 | + |
| 13 | +Speaking from a few weeks later, debugging it now for the Render deployment is still painful, that it spend 20 min every time just to build the thing and get it running live. (These little 🎉 emojis in the service log are one of the only reasons I keep doing this) Sometimes |
| 14 | +it couldn't even make it there, other times it |
| 15 | +ran out of memory (free tier...), |
| 16 | +or it 404 for a file that is supposed to be there. |
| 17 | +Eventually I downgraded so much by sacrificing many things to get it use less memory/storage in general, and maybe building the thing every time I deploy it again, |
| 18 | +still, |
| 19 | +502. |
| 20 | +I just have to keep trying. |
| 21 | +The thing about that is once I change something and if it doesn't work, I try to get the problem, but when this happen too many times, there is a fear that I'll never get this to work, maybe I just do a complete rollback to the previous version. Finally, making it running (and having to deal with the next problem) is giving some satisfaction overall. |
| 22 | + |
| 23 | +## Inconfidence |
| 24 | + |
| 25 | +People say it doesn't matter if you have the skill, but what if I don't? I seem to have the skill, or do I? There is some type of inconfidence deep inside me. Frankly, I'm jealous of other people who do not fear (at least seems like it), who do not (appear to) fall in this trap. The process comes in a cycle that: |
| 26 | + |
| 27 | +```mermaid |
| 28 | +graph LR |
| 29 | + A["I am not confident / having a bad perception"] --> B["Not going to do well"] |
| 30 | + B --> C["Inconfidence getting reinforced"] |
| 31 | + C --> A |
| 32 | +``` |
| 33 | +Felt wierd drawing a diagram in markdown, but here we are??? |
| 34 | + |
| 35 | +The good news about winning the Datathon is some type of positive feedback that I'm currently really in need of, because I don't have a good GPA, not competent enough... I applied to a frontend job on handshake, it's on campus as well, I even hesitated even before I applied... The status of the thing stayed as "Reviewed" instead of "Declined" or anything else, I guess that's it (I couldn't stay for the whole summer on-site, maybe that's the problem). |
| 36 | + |
| 37 | +## Harsh Inner Critic |
| 38 | + |
| 39 | +Myself as a person is either too harsh or too indulged. Elaborating on that, I felt like if anything start going wrong, everything else start going wrong like a domino; and if stuff is going right, I'd better keep that streak running or I'll fall into the phase of me lying in bed all day. This, is/was a bad idea I have (had) in my mind. Either one end or the other of the spectrum, no exceptions, I'll see if I come to a solution to this anytime close. Problems dealing with oneself could only be solved by oneself, as others may aid along the way, not able to do the work for you. |
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