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1433 | 1433 | "If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?", |
1434 | 1434 | "I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.", |
1435 | 1435 | "Why couldn't the bicycle stand? Because it was two tired.", |
1436 | | - "A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.\n\n“Mother, where do babies come from?”\n\nThe mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”\n\nThe daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.\n\n“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”\n\n“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” ", |
1437 | | - "I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, \"Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!\" I said, \"Wow!\" Then her friend said, \"She means 666-3629.\" ", |
1438 | | - "A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” ", |
1439 | | - "A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, \"If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?\" Johnny says, \"None.\" The teacher asks, \"Why?\" Johnny says, \"Because the shot scared them all off.\" The teacher says, \"No, two, but I like how you're thinking.\" Johnny asks the teacher, \"If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?\" The teacher says, \"The one sucking her ice cream.\" Johnny says, \"No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!\" ", |
1440 | | - "Reporter: \"Excuse me, may I interview you?\" \nMan: \"Yes!\" \nReporter: \"Name?\" \nMan: \"Abdul Al-Rhazim.\" \nReporter: \"Sex?\" \nMan: \"Three to five times a week.\" \nReporter: \"No no! I mean male or female?\" \nMan: \"Yes, male, female... sometimes camel.\" \nReporter: \"Holy cow!\" \nMan: \"Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general.\" \nReporter: \"But isn't that hostile?\" \nMan: \"Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.\" \nReporter: \"Oh dear!\" \nMan: \"No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.\" ", |
1441 | | - "Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, \"Happy birthday, boss!\" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, \"Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?\" \"Okay,\" I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, \"SURPRISE!!!\" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked. ", |
1442 | | - "Kid 1: \"Hey, I bet you're still a virgin.\" \nKid 2: \"Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .\" \nKid 1: \"As if.\" \nKid 2: \"Yeah, just ask your sister.\" \nKid 1: \"I don't have a sister.\" \nKid 2: \"You will in about nine months.\" ", |
1443 | | - "A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!” ", |
1444 | | - "A boy says to a girl, \"So, sex at my place?\" \"Yeah!\" \"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?\" Later on the girl is yelling, \"Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!\" The younger brother says, \"Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!\" ", |
1445 | | - "After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, \"I had sex with my teacher.\" She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, \"I had sex with my teacher.\" The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, \"No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts.\" ", |
1446 | | - "A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said \"I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!\" He said, \"Explain the kids!\" ", |
1447 | | - "Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, \"Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!\" Maria replied, \"See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!\"", |
1448 | 1436 | "2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.\n\nSardar 1: What would you do if the bomb\n\nexplodes while fixing.\n\nSardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.", |
1449 | 1437 | "Sardar: What is the name of your car?\n\nLady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.\n\nSardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.", |
1450 | 1438 | "Santa: I think that girl is deaf..\n\nBanta: How do u know?\n\nSanta: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new", |
1451 | 1439 | "Santa: Let’s go for movie.\n\nBanta: Shit, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today..\n\nSanta: Just cancel it,Tell him you’re sick.", |
1452 | 1440 | "Santa and Banta are walking on a road, and they find a 1000 rupee note lying down.\n\nSanta – What should we do now?\n\nBanta- We’ll take 50:50.\n\nSanta- What about the remaining 900?", |
1453 | 1441 | "Once there was a mirror that killed anyone who lied…\n\nFrench : I think I dont smoke (died).\n\nAmerican : I think I love my wife (died).\n\nSanta: I think.. (died)", |
1454 | | - "Santa, hard of hearing, realises that he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he feels unwilling to spend too much money.", |
1455 | | - "‘How much do they cost?’ he asks Manbir, the shopkeeper.", |
1456 | | - "‘That depends,’ says. Manbir, ‘They run from £20 to £2,000.’", |
1457 | | - "‘Let’s see the £20 model,’ asks Santa.", |
1458 | | - "Manbir puts the device around Santa’s neck instructing, ‘You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.’", |
1459 | | - "‘How does it work?’ Santa inquires.", |
1460 | | - "‘For only £20 it doesn’t work,” Manbir replies, ‘But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!’", |
| 1442 | + "Santa, hard of hearing, realises that he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he feels unwilling to spend too much money.\n‘How much do they cost?’ he asks Manbir, the shopkeeper.\n‘That depends,’ says. Manbir, ‘They run from £20 to £2,000.’\n‘Let’s see the £20 model,’ asks Santa.\nManbir puts the device around Santa’s neck instructing, ‘You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.’\n‘How does it work?’ Santa inquires.\n‘For only £20 it doesn’t work,” Manbir replies, ‘But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!’", |
1461 | 1443 | "Sardar: U cheated me.\n\nShopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.\n\nSardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘All India Radio! ‘", |
1462 | | - "Santa goes into a bar in New York.", |
1463 | | - "The man on his right orders a drink, ‘Johnnie Walker, single.’", |
1464 | | - "The man on his left says, ‘Jack Daniels, single.’", |
1465 | | - "Santa says. ‘Santa Singh, married.’", |
1466 | | - "Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.", |
1467 | | - "Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the “RSVP ” was missing .", |
1468 | | - "The printer was surprised by Jeeto’s knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.", |
1469 | | - "Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, ‘Vait! I remember. I remember – RSVP. It means “Remember, Send Vedding Present.”‘", |
| 1444 | + "Santa goes into a bar in New York.\nThe man on his right orders a drink, ‘Johnnie Walker, single.’\nThe man on his left says, ‘Jack Daniels, single.’\nSanta says. ‘Santa Singh, married.’", |
| 1445 | + "Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.\nJeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the “RSVP ” was missing .\nThe printer was surprised by Jeeto’s knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.\nJeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, ‘Vait! I remember. I remember – RSVP. It means “Remember, Send Vedding Present.”‘", |
1470 | 1446 | "Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?\n\nSardar: An old king’s skeleton.\n\nTourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?\n\nSardar: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.", |
1471 | 1447 | "At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!\n\nSardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?", |
1472 | 1448 | "In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?\n\nSardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..\n\nInteviewer shouts: Stop it.\n\nSardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…", |
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